Examine me

It took me a long time to be open to asking God to examine my heart.  I was afraid of what He'd find.  That He'd make me feel guilty for everything I ever did wrong, or point out my faults.  It was after about 32 years as a Christian, I finally gave in and prayed, "Ok God, examine me and let me know what I need to change."

His response was amazing.  Peace.  So I asked again.  I felt warm and safe.  Guess it doesn't pay to be afraid of God does it?  He already knows everything about us and His Holy Spirit lets us know when we're off track.

This is a beautiful Psalm by David.  I'm going to break it down into two posts because I don't want to miss anything.  I also feel bad when my posts get too long.  Enjoy!

Psalm 139:1-12

To me, this describes acknowledging God's presence.  And then, asking what He thinks.  I confess, as an expressive, most people know what I'm thinking.  But God knows what's in our hearts.

1 God, investigate my life;

get all the facts firsthand.

2 I'm an open book to you;

even from a distance, you know what I'm thinking.

3 You know when I leave and when I get back;

I'm never out of your sight.

Sometimes when I get tongue tied or I know I'm treading on shaky ground, I'll ask the Holy Spirit to give me the words to say.  My mind clears and I know how to speak in love.  This has been a huge help in my marriage.  I'm not a super-saint though and sometimes blurt things out...  intense fellowship, as my Pastor calls it.

4 You know everything I'm going to say

before I start the first sentence.

5 I look behind me and you're there,

then up ahead and you're there, too —

your reassuring presence, coming and going.

6 This is too much, too wonderful — I can't take it all in!

We can't escape His Spirit.  I really don't want to.

7 Is there anyplace I can go to avoid your Spirit?

to be out of your sight?

8 If I climb to the sky, you're there!

If I go underground, you're there!

9 If I flew on morning's wings

to the far western horizon,

10 You'd find me in a minute —

you're already there waiting!

This is interesting.  These words remind me of what I read about the New Jerusalem:

Revelation 21:23 The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light.

I love this.  When bad things happen, the worst time is at night.  It feels so lonely and unending.  But God is there- it's not even night to Him.

11 Then I said to myself, "Oh, he even sees me in the dark!

At night I'm immersed in the light!"

12 It's a fact: darkness isn't dark to you;

night and day, darkness and light, they're all the same to you.

THE MESSAGE

Sometimes human relationships get painful.  But God doesn't want us to be afraid of Him, just confess and change direction.  He wants to forgive (1 John 1:9), forget (Psalm 103:12) and move on.  Something I try to do as well.

1 John 4:18-19

18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him because He first loved us.

NKJV

By accepting Christ, we receive His Holy Spirit who lets us know what we've done right and wrong.  Jesus said it this way-

John 16:7-9

7 Nevertheless I tell you the truth. It is to your advantage that I go away; for if I do not go away, the Helper will not come to you; but if I depart, I will send Him to you.  8 And when He has come, He will convict the world of sin, and of righteousness, and of judgment... 

NKJV